You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Isaiah 26:3
I pulled up to the curb and said my goodbye’s as my boys replied with “I love you, dad!” Slinging their backpacks over their shoulders they made their way to the sidewalk and began the journey of their day in middle school . . . but not before looking back at dad one last time. They’re gone and now the car is quiet with the faint sound of the radio in the background and the warmth of the sun beating against my chest and with it, my self is unsettled.
It’s a pretty long ride home each morning from drop-off, about 30 minutes. And, while on a normal day I would sing with the radio, talk to God about what my life looks like right now or pray for others and myself — today was a bit different. Quiet with an occasional honking horn here or there, it was a rather mesmerizing ride. I could tell I was losing my footing and slipping into the pit.
I got home and opened the front door to further silence. I was all alone now. But this wasn’t the first day I’ve walked into a quiet house. And nor will it be my last. I had decided earlier that I wasn’t going to write anything in this blog today, but instead just move on with my day. I grabbed my computer, a cup of coffee with my bible and sat in my chair . . . and the lump in my throat grew and tears began to flow down my cheek.
Why am I here, God? Why? Why do I feel this way? I asked Him question after question — He promised me peace and I feel like I’m in the pit! My world is upside down, my heart is racing and I feel like a basket-case. It certainly doesn’t appear very peaceful in my life right now as my hands tremble and my thoughts are so mixed.
And then, I ran across the words of Isaiah 26. It was though He said to me, “Mark . . . What are you setting your mind on? What is your heart and mind dwelling on?”
Oh how I’ve thought His peace to be unconditional, but this is not His promise. He wants me to not only remain in Him, but to set my mind to Him. It is then He gives peace. I weep with His presence.
How can I be so hard-headed and stubborn? I always felt like peace came in the absence of troubles, but God says no to that. He offers peace in the midst of troubles, in the midst of pain and hurt, in the midst of grief — and through His peace is healing! Why? Because our minds are set on Him — trusting and leaning with our full weight on Him alone.
Lord Jesus, I know . . . I know — trust you! But, man, that’s so hard to do sometimes!!! That’s me being honest! When I stare at the dot in front of me and focus through my flesh on circumstances around me and neglect to witness your hand in the big picture of what you are doing in and through me, I experience the pit instead of your peace. Create in me a discipline in my mind to be more steadfast in you!
Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal. Isaiah 26:4